Sunday 27th January 2008

The merry MIB endured and overcame the somewhat trepiditious journey to Barking with some aplomb. After negotiating four hundred and fifty-six speed cameras, twenty-seven roundabouts and two hundred uninsured drivers all driving fords we arrived in good time. The wow factor was overbearing. Miles and miles of bowling allies, McDonalds, multiplexes and car parks. Forget Sandbanks surely this is England’s answer to Monte Carlo. Why Donald Trump would not want to build his new European complex and tower on the golden A13 corridor is beyond me.

Barking started the game stronger and were helped with the slight incline in the pitch and a favourable wind. Chingford would do well to hold the game to a close score come the turnaround. The first fifteen minutes did indeed see Barking have the better of the spoils but our boys never dropped their heads and stood up well in the tackle. After another thwarted attack a scrambled pass finds the Barking stand off who under much pressure takes the ball and in one movement swivels onto his right peg and slots a quite extraordinary drop. You can not legislate against skill like that. 3-0. Barking pressed again in almost their very next venture to the Chingford try line they come away with an unconverted effort. 8-0. But there was much about the boys this day and the last fifteen minutes saw a wave of attacks in which a plethora of handling errors and wrong decision making saw the MIB play out the half with no reward. However, most of the battering bruises sustained in the first half were being sported by the leading team at the turn and an eight point advantage was easily within reach of the good guys. Half time 8-0.

Kit (congratulations on making the England squad) had a good game. He scrummaged very well but his usual marauding in the loose was well spotted and fielded by Barking as they knew what to expect. Matt struggled in the first half, the Barking front row were on top for the first part of the game which found Matt working hard to no avail. The second half was ten times better and he threw straight in tough conditions and struck well. Big Bill Bentley needs a particular mention as he was under the cosh an awful lot. Not only was he up against a very good prop but also a fairly picky Ref who penalised him for his angles. He bit his lip and batted on. However, he needs sometimes to point out to his flanker to drive his sumptuous derriere in if he is struggling to maintain a straight bind. He also had to switch to second row in the second half when Dion came off injured; the Jack Black of the MIB is a true team player. Conrad is turning into an exceptional scrummager. He had a cracking game when he came on, talk about improvement. Anybody remember that fat kid that used to go down like the Queen Mum on roller blades a few years ago? Not any more. Tom Lynam had a quiet game. This is mainly due to rustiness after a succession of injures. I still think the he is the hardest person to wrestle off the ball in a ruck. Our two meekers of mayhem had somewhat subdued games. I have never seen Dan miss more balls in the lineout, it is hard to be critical of him as he more often than not puts more into any game than most but this day found himself bogged down in defensive duties. Fuller went missing. Again I loathe to criticise him as he is our dark destroyer, the opposition know that have visited the dark side when they come up against Tom but he had a quiet game. Maybe he was worried about how he was going to launder his share of the Securitas millions. Joe Etteridge, our man for all seasons. We like this boy. Big of shoulder, big of chest and probably could play anywhere on the park. Again a fair game but no fireworks. Dion was nursing an injury which saw him come off just after the break. But he had an honest game and I love his ability to bring other people into a game he will turn into a fine player. Mini me is a great footballer. Testament to which lies in his ability to come inside and take over from a much missed Sam Bolger.

The ball comes off either hand and his kicking is improving. I sometimes think he can be a bit conservative in his play and he needs to be much more vociferous as skipper. This game saw him never putting a foot wrong and was a contender of the man of the match. Alex Pollock is not the finished article as stand off. But the young man has plenty about him to get there. His pace and aggression make him a dangerous adversary and his passing has improved much this season. Kicking needs practice and I am sure that he will endeavour to improve. Against Barking he a good game, a couple of passes were of the hospital variety and he could have taken a few more tackles. Dobbo goes from strength to strength if a three quarter or centre manages to overcome the attention of Fuller, Dobbo is usually on hand for a head planting session. He too had a good if somewhat unremarkable game. Bling Mitch. What does he look like? Haute couture on a rugby pitch. I thought Ronald McDonald was playing for us. He was great. On the burst he is formidable and made ground all game. His tackling is second to none if occasionally somewhat tardy. “Late Ref? Me? I got there as fast as I could.” If he also loses his ability to pass like a netballer he wins even more fans. James Corbett continues to grow despite his relationship with Virginian agriculture. He had a very good game but insisted on coming inside on occasions when he should have taken his opposing winger on. Confidence is the issue, but against this criticism he never turned over the ball so who is wrong? We love the Zoomer. He’s all eyebrows, moustache and thighs. Oh to be able to run like that. There are times Paul when you take on tackle when really you should roast ‘em on the outside. He nursed a turned ankle for much of the game and we didn’t see the best of him. What an exquisite player we have in Dale. He has twinkle toes, a fine turn of speed and reads the game well. He has to unload the ball earlier to become the finished article. He had a very good game against Barking.

The second half proved us right. With the wind and the incline the MIB swarmed upon Barking with much gusto. Either the ball was red hot or covered in grease as the handling was shocking. The game should have been dead and buried in the first part of the second half and the boys ended up making a nail biter of it. Mitch was punching holes, Gaze had them backfooted yet we managed to rob ourselves of a comfortable victory. To calm the nerves and to much relief of the MIB roadies Joe elects to kick one of our many penalties and scores. 8-3. Time and again the boys conspire to throw away the game and it is not until after James Corbett goes over in the corner after another fine back line move that we realise if was almost the last play 8-8. Alex Pollock asks the Ref and he calls last play after the conversion attempt, the boys then knew that they were through on the away rule. The MIB can hardly contain themselves as they await Joe’s conversion attempt. Wouldn’t you just believe it? Albeit from his strong side he only slots it from the twenty-two and touch. The boys and crowd go chicken oriental. Full time 8-10. The first part of this season has seen much disappointment but if the MIB marry this tenacity and their silkies for the rest of the season we have much to look forward to.

Hard. But the MIB MOM goes to Mitch despite his somewhat eccentric passing.

A few points of interest.

On learning (wind up) that Keen Mike Lynam had administered a steroid injection for Dion’s arm the Zoomer asked if he could have one. Lacking somewhere boyo?

The scribe wishes to apologise to his disciples for the recent drought in reports, I will endeavour to rectify this. I have suffered from writers palsy. This has been brought on by a lack of imbibement and the loss of five stone. Now before I write a book on my new diet regime and earn about a million Turkish Lira in royalties. I thought I would share my secret with you, my adoring public, who without I would be everything! Just get yourself rushed into your nearest NHS A&E where the will prescribe a strong dose of septicaemia. It’s a doosie.

On occasion when the sewage works at Chingford floods, the ensuing effluent overflow is deposited into the River Lea which flows through Barking on the way to the Thames. I thank you.